callistahogan: (Default)
“Did you hear? Sharon is pregnant!”

The person next to me on the hard orange bleachers turned to face the three of us. “Really?” she asked. “Who's the father?”

My friend shrugged her shoulders. “No one knows.”

“I bet it's with someone disgusting,” the second girl next to me—my acquaintance, since it was hardly accurate calling her my friend—said. “Did you see her teeth? Disgusting. She doesn't even take care of them. She can barely even take care of herself, let alone a baby.”

“I know,” my friend responded. “And her voice is super-nasally. Remember?”

“Yeah, I remember,” the second girl said. “I can't imagine why anyone would have to have sex with her of all people.”

Taking up my backpack and my laptop, I turned away from the conversation, heading to the doors of the gym so I could run from the hell-hole as soon as possible. As I passed by a group of freshmen, I heard “God, it was so terrible, I don't even know why I agreed to having sex with him.” I kept my head down, standing near the doors as I waited for the bell to ring. As it did, I heard a group of guys crack a joke—obscene, misogynistic, typical teenage boy crap—and rolled my eyes.

It was about time the day was over.


“So, don't tell your sister, but I was invited to go out to eat with Kara and Amber,” one of the youth group students, Martha*, said.

“And I wasn't invited?”

“You wouldn't have wanted to come,” Martha said. “It was really awkward.”

“Awkward how?”

“Well, she asked us if... we were virgins,” Martha muttered. “It was one of the first things she said too. It was like we sat down, and then she asked 'Are you a virgin?' And she asked us if we had ever held hands with a boy before, stuff like that. It was really weird.”

I agreed, shaking my head. It seemed that there was no escaping mentions of sex; even those self-proclaimed conservative Christians ended up butting into people's personal sex lives.


I live in a culture absolutely saturated with sex.

It's not often that I can tune into a TV show without some sort of hot couple steaming up the screen with their sexual tension or walk down the halls at school without some obscene joke. It's not all that bothersome to me, really—I've gotten used to it—but the big deal about it goes over my head. Why do people care so much about what people do in their bedrooms? And why has it become such a prevalent part of our culture (so prevalent, in fact, that most swear words happen to be sexual in nature)?

I admit, I don't have too much sexual experience. I am a virgin, as I expect to be until my wedding day, and the Internet is my major source of information about sex. My parents never had the “Sex Talk” with me (do parents even do that anymore?) and by the time my school started teaching me about sex, I had already run across my brother's porn files.

The thing that really blows my mind (pun intended) is the way that something that should be so private—or something I think should be so private—has become a nationwide obsession. All over gossip magazines, it's the same: who is sleeping with whom? And in TV shows, the drama regarding who is sleeping with whom and who is pregnant by whom is often the biggest plot line.

This might sound old-fashioned, but I'd prefer it if what started out behind closed doors would remain behind closed doors. Personally, I don't care who had sex with whom. I don't care if someone had sex with someone of the same gender or if someone got pregnant because they had unprotected sex.

I'm not in the position to say, considering I haven't even been close to having sex, but it strikes me as intensely personal. For the first time, you're baring all to that one person you trust, the one person you trust to give you pleasure instead of pain, or love instead of heartbreak. The one person you either want to get you off or the one person you want to love you forever. The one person who sees you at your most vulnerable, naked, stripped to the bone, all imperfections laid out. Every awkwardness, every small imperfection, every hesitation: your partner is able to see it all.

And it strikes me as highly intrusive to have that act, the most private of all acts we humans do, splattered across newsstands and TV shows and our conversations like it is so much old gossip. It strikes me as an invasion of personal space to decry a person for having sex too early, or too late. I don't understand why people feel the need to decry someone having sex for the first time at forty. To call a girl a “whore” if she has sex or congratulate a guy if he “hits that hot chick”... it doesn't seem right to me. None of it does.

Sure, I might be optimistic. I might not be realistic. I might not understand the whole fascination with sex since I am so very young. I might not know everything about sex.

But you know what?

I do know what I want, and I want to wait until my wedding day. Otherwise, I don't think I'd be able to bare my whole heart and soul to someone. I wouldn't want to have sex with someone just because I felt attracted to them for one day; I'd want to build a connection, to be so in love that I would want to give that piece of my heart to that one person—and hope that they don't break it.

And if they do, then at least I would know that I did what felt right. And no one could take that peace away from me.

*Names changed.


This has been my entry for week 13 of [ profile] therealljidol. This week was another intersection week, but there was a twist: we had to pick a new partner. My partner for this week was [ profile] twistersflower. You can read her entry here. Our votes are tallied together this week, so if you like my entry, please consider voting for her as well. Thanks!

Date: 2010-02-07 03:58 am (UTC)From: [identity profile]
I think this is a very mature, wise view on sex. Don't EVER beat up on yourself if you choose to change your mind about what you want, about waiting, or about what you feel, but I absolutely 100% respect that you want to wait until your wedding day to have sex. Nowadays, I don't hear that a lot from the teenage/early 20s crowd, and I LIKE hearing it, simply because we don't need a lot of 15 year-old unwed mothers who have no life plans running around in this world. Self first. You're young - you live YOUR life, and then, let everything else fall into place.

So no matter what does or doesn't happen, I think you are incredibly wise for not rushing into anything. You keep living your life the best way you can, in a way that makes you happy, and that way, you'll have few regrets. I think you should be proud of yourself. *hugs*

Date: 2010-02-09 05:36 am (UTC)From: [identity profile]
This. Exactly.

Date: 2010-02-09 08:37 am (UTC)From: [identity profile]
Thirded. This is pretty much how I feel about it. IMO, most people your age are too young to be having sex, but I probably still wouldn't tell them off for doing so. I will still praise the teen who chooses to abstain, though. I'm glad I waited until I was out of my teen years at least, even if I didn't wait until my wedding day.

Date: 2010-02-07 06:06 am (UTC)From: [identity profile]
I definitely agree with this line:

To call a girl a “whore” if she has sex or congratulate a guy if he “hits that hot chick”... it doesn't seem right to me.

For all the openness about sexual equality, it is very insulting that guys are congratulated for getting a girl. We are not prizes or objects to win or get, we are PEOPLE, people with feelings to (preferably) be cared about and treasured.

Date: 2010-02-07 07:26 pm (UTC)From: [identity profile]
I sometimes hate that America is so repressive in regards to sex. I often think that if we were more out and open with it (more of a European perspective), that much of the slut-shaming and rumour-mill that results here wouldn't be so pervasive. (I.e, if sex weren't "dirty" or "private", would we feel enticed to talk about it non-stop?) Of course, I could just be looking at it from a grass-is-greener perspective.

Date: 2010-02-10 04:46 pm (UTC)From: [identity profile]
I think there's plenty of slut-shaming and rumor-milling in Europe, too. I mean, the reason our tabloids are out of control is because so many British and European papparazzi lost work after Princess Diana's death and came here. And look at how the European film industry treated the Roman Polanski case.

Date: 2010-02-10 05:25 pm (UTC)From: [identity profile]
True. It just seems that America has a lot of Puritanical hang-ups - and that's not meant to be a criticism of [ profile] callistahogan's entry or ideas, I actually don't want to hear about everyone's personal business, either. But we tend to repress sex and ideas surrounding it, our politicians campaigning on being good Christian men, etc. - and then it turns out that everyone's secretly obsessed and carrying on with affairs or kinkiness, and the inevitable media blitz following makes it even more taboo. I wonder if we were less repressive in certain aspects, if it would lighten up some of that.

Date: 2010-02-07 07:35 pm (UTC)From: [identity profile]
Lovely post.

Date: 2010-02-07 08:54 pm (UTC)From: [identity profile]
at least I would know that I did what felt right. And no one could take that peace away from me.

THIS. This is the most important aspect of decisions about sex- peace of mind within yourself.

Date: 2010-02-08 04:29 pm (UTC)From: [identity profile]
and by the time my school started teaching me about sex, I had already run across my brother's porn files.

oh god! Awkward! I hope my sister can't say the same thing about me.

Date: 2010-02-09 02:31 am (UTC)From: [personal profile] shadowwolf13
shadowwolf13: (Default)
Keep that self pride and don't settle for less. Very well done.

Date: 2010-02-10 06:40 am (UTC)From: [identity profile]
It's so frustrating when having sex or not having sex or which people are having what kind of sex with is alllll that some people want to talk about, isn't it?

And no, it's not always "personal" in the way you think of it - but that's the ideal, and it should be.

Date: 2010-02-10 09:43 am (UTC)From: [identity profile]
What exactly is LJ Idol? What are the assigments, etc.? I'm curious!

PS: I'm from NaNo, and that's why we're friends now, in case you're curious. :-)

Date: 2010-02-10 01:37 pm (UTC)From: [identity profile]
Great entry. It has definotly become an obsession in society, and not tjust that, a judgement too, if you don't do what others expect you are less of a person.

Date: 2010-02-10 04:54 pm (UTC)From: [identity profile]
Well, when I was a kid (late 80s), my parents had the sex talk with me. When I was about 9, and then a more in-depth one when I was 11 or 12. Mine was prompted by learning about egg fertilization in school. I came home and wanted to know how human eggs got fertilized.

I also never felt any pressure to have sex when I was a teenager, at least not socially-- I had some icky sexual encounters but I see that as coercion, not social pressure. No one ever made me feel like there was anything wrong with having sex or not having sex, and no one ever asked me if I was a virgin or how much I'd done with another person. That includes people I dated. I hear other people talk about these things a lot, feeling like it's a race or competition or wondering if there's something wrong with them, but I never felt that.

I also don't really see any problem with sex being all over television-- as long as it's fictional sex! Sex is an important part of character development in fictional stories. If it's there to tittilate, I feel differently about it, but if it's there to explore character emotion or generate plot, I am all for it. If it's there to tittilate, I think it's better if it's confined to places where people who want that can choose it-- like a porn mag! But I do take issue with spreading people's real-life sex lives all over the place, you know? It seems invasive and voyeuristic. It even weirds me out when I'm reading LJ and people detail their own sex lives without asking their partner's permission.

Date: 2010-02-10 09:25 pm (UTC)From: [identity profile]
I am definitely older than you but not a prude in the least. But the oversaturation of sex everywhere one looks is just makes me apathetic! hahaha.


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