Dare You To Move

The only problem is my brain is dead. Nothing is coming to mind.

*sigh*

I think I need a new LJ Idol topic. Or something. Maybe I'll go explore the free topics.

I wrote 1,036 words of an original story today.

I am very excited about this story so far. It is named (tentatively) An Assassin's Game, and it's sort of a modern fantasy combined with a bit of murder mystery and some alternative world history and some cute love story between two friends that grew up together. It's about a boy who feels trapped by his believed legacy and a girl who has her own demons to fight, and the events -- both light and dark -- that will shape their lives together.

I have had the main character, Jonathan, in my head, ever since he first gave me the line:

"My name is Jonathan, and I am a bastard child."

I mean, how can a good back story not come out of that?

It took him quite a while to tell me where he came from, but during Study Hall today, the idea just came to me while I was surfing the NaNo boards, so I immediately proceeded to write it. I'm not quite sure where it's going, but I know it is going to be a good story. I don't know too much about Jonathan, but I know enough to start writing about him. He is in many ways the quintessential American teenager, but burdened with something he doesn't quite understand. He is not a typical hero -- just as my story ideas are never just typical. They all have some sort of twist and, though I haven't thought of this story's yet, I know it will have one.

That's just the sort of writer I am: my stories go in unexpected directions, or at least my original ones do.

The only thing I'm worried about is that now that I'm writing this story before NaNo, what am I going to write about during NaNo? I do have a month to think about it, but I want to have an idea before October 15. I'm sure I'll think about something, but until then, I am going to be a little anxious. All I have to do is to keep my eyes and ears open, and hopefully I'll think about something wonderful to write about. Am toying with the idea of doing something other than fantasy, but I've found with fantasy you have just so much more leeway, and it makes it easier to circumvent rules...

Anyway.

One of my goals this November is to write 100K. WIth all my homework this year, it's going to be pretty impossible to juggle homework, NaNo, and life in general, but I can do it. Somehow. I might go crazy, but then again, have I ever really been sane?

You know what bothers me?

When you spend two days writing a 10,000 word chapter for an expected epic fanfic, post it, and get no reviews for it at all.

I know that readers aren't under any obligation to review, but I just... want some reassurance that what I wrote is good. I mean, it's flattering and all when people add the fic to their alerts or favorites, but I just wish that one person would spare the time to jot off a quick note, just to say that they enjoyed the fic. I'm not asking for the massive reviews I send off when I read a fic I like, but just a quick  "I liked it" would suffice.

Not that I'll hold my story hostage, of course, or that I'm somehow bitter toward my readers. I just wish that I knew how they liked it.

Um, so I said I was going to do this the day I posted the first part, but I just kept procrastinating. At least I'm doing it now.

Christianity was doubled up, though, so I'll do that one last.

First, greatalexanders:

Thinkyness - I do seem to think a lot, don't I? I guess it just stems from my habit of being alone, for the most part, and reading a lot: thinking just seems to be the way I spend most of my time, and I think about everything. I guess that gives me an interesting perspective on the world and opinions that it seems other people don't share. I don't consider my uniqueness is a bad thing, per se, but on a level, I do, because I mostly tell myself things, not other people. I think, but don't talk.

Maturity - Once again, this is kind of because of my "thinkyness" and my bookish tendencies. I read books teens my age might not normally read, and I have had to grow up faster than perhaps other people my age might've. I get along with people older than me, for the most part, which means I often feel like I act more adult than I am. In ways, I understand when I have to reaccess my beliefs, as I have recently about gay marriage and abortion. I may believe abortion is wrong, for instance, but I understand where a mother-to-be may believe it is necessary.

Of course, I don't consider myself as mature as you all seem to. I'm so often just a silly, huffy little teenage girl.

Pack - Ah, Pack. *sighs* You know, it was great while it lasted. For a while, for two years or so, it felt like family. I learned so much from Anne, Beth, Tim, James, Krish, Yuhan, and Archy. (Do you know that I haven't typed that name in so long, and it still hurts?) We were fun and silly and yet mature and supportive all at the same time. Some of my happiest memories are from Pack, and I'll never regret the time I had with all of you.

However, as a part of me always knew would happen, the magic wore off. I felt increasingly distant from all of you, and CotCS helped with that for a while. But even we eventually ended up growing further apart. Internet friendships, Internet families, are fun, but... they're not enough, they're never enough. Eventually paths separate, and my path separated.

I'm a teenage girl, yearning to take on the world, but I can't do that via a computer screen. There are people I tried to save but couldn't, because the physical barrier between us was too great. So now I turn my attention to the people who I can help, the people I can see and touch and understand.

Youth - Heh, I am really a teenager, honest. I am young, but I don't see that as something that defines me, as it seems everyone else seems to do. I am different from people my age, but similar all at the same time.

And now, miriammoules:

Intelligent - Blame my bookish tendencies and solitary nature for this one. I read, think, and listen. I pay attention. I try to think things through, and I just want to know things, so intelligence probably stems from that.

Articulate - I have been avidly writing for more than half my life, and my goal is to be a published author, so I need to be able to express my ideas in an eloquent and understandable way. Sometimes I feel that I fail, but I am getting better at expressing my thoughts coherently. I just want to share my opinions eloquently with the world, and I manage to do that, I guess.

Evolving - I'm quite glad you actually mentioned this, because I find myself evolving as well. A year ago, I was reading Ann Coulter and was staunchly conservative, and now I am a somewhat reluctant supporter of Obama and find myself squarely in the middle of the liberal/conservative "war." I used to be pro-life and anti-gay marriage, and to an extent, I still am, but I realize that, in today's society, compromise is necessary. I am learning more about myself and the world around me, and growing into a very opininated female. There are some things I absolutely refuse to compromise, but in most aspects of my life, I am continuing to grow. In all aspects, really.

Boyfriend - Whee. *grin* Yes, I have a boyfriend. He is nice and funny and sensitive and similar to me and he calls me and doesn't seem to mind my shyness and he is amazing so far. We've had two dates, and I want to see him again. Soon.

And for the biggest one of all:

Christian / Christianity - There is nothing more important to me than my faith. Without it, I don't know where I would be. I think what I wrote in my first paper for Grade 9 English expresses this well.

I grew up in a strong Christian home, got saved when I was six, and have been a Christian ever since. Without my faith, I am not sure where I would be. There's nothing that brings a smile to my face more than expressing my faith and letting people know that yes, I am a Christian and yes, I am proud to be one and no, I will not change my beliefs just to fit in with the world. I want to make a difference in this world for Christ. Jesus Christ has brought me through difficult times in my life—such as my parents' separation, my peers trying to force me to do things I don't want to do, and my lack of inspiration when it comes to writing—and without Him, I wouldn't be the person I am today.

I feel His presence through everything I do and feel Him guiding me through my entire life. When it comes to my passion for academics, writing, and reading... do I think it would be there if it weren't for Him? No. Christianity means more to me than I can ever express and if people try to take Him away from me, I'll end up growing ever closer to Him. That's just the way I've found He works.

It seems so strange, thinking that I haven't updated in six days. I just... haven't had very much to talk about lately, or if I do, I just can't think of how to put it into words. A lot has happened in the past six days, though, and being bored out of my mind has given me a lot of time to think.

First off, there are only about two weeks left in the first semester of this year, and finals are coming up in about eight days. I'm feeling pretty confident about all of them, but half of my English final is making me a little worried.

You see, we have to put on a scene from Romeo and Juliet, and I'm working with my friend, OG (Obnoxious Guy, in case you can't remember). If you've read the play, we're putting on the scene very early on in the play, when Benvolio and Romeo are talking, and Romeo is explaining to him about Rosaline, how he's "in love" with her, and Benvolio asks him to look at other beautiful women, to get Rosaline out of his head. And it's a great scene, showing their friendship, but I just happened to choose to do Romeo. Which means I have to memorize 65 lines.

In two weeks.

Of course, this is coming from the girl who memorized twenty-six lines of Romeo's balcony speech, so I'm not too worried. I have a little less than two weeks, and if I do a little of it every day, I'm sure I'll be able to do it. Am thinking I'll ask OG to get together next Saturday or something so we can practice together. Maybe we'll go in that little room behind the nonfiction section so we can practice without anyone staring at us strangely. (No one really goes into the nonfiction section, unless some seniors are hanging out in that same room.)

Speaking of that play, though, I have to agree with the people who say that Romeo and Juliet are both way too hasty, headstrong, and more in lust than in love, for sure. I'm reading it, and honestly, it doesn't seem they're really in love at all. They're attracted to each other, yes, but it's more infatuation, not love. They know nothing about each other, and you know, they're so willing to throw their lives away. I can think of two times right off the top of my head, maybe more. I can't help thinking how much this tragedy might've been avoided if Romeo and Juliet had come clean about their feelings at the beginning.

Regardless of that, I can see the appeal. It is written cleanly and, even though it seems as though it rambles on and on, it is so precise; in that scene I'm putting on, I couldn't think of a single line to cut. And that's surprising.

Um, okay, this post is going on way too long, but I have so much more to say, so I'll just put the rest under the cut.

( Read more... )

I ended up asking my English teacher for an extension on my materialism essay. He granted my request, but also gave everyone else one more day to finish it as well. Considering I was panicking about it (my Sunday Facebook status was "Heidi is panicking panicking panicking about her essay. HELP" or something along those lines), it continually strikes me how things work out the way they do.

My dad said that "sometimes, you have to put things like this in God's hands." And right now? I can see why he says that.

I also feel as though my essay is good. It might not be the best I've ever written, and I've had much struggle in trying to get those stupid words down on paper, but while I was reading it, I found that it flowed fairly well. There are a few little things I might change (the conclusion, to me, still seems slightly abrupt), but this time, I've got to leave it in Mr. P's hands and hope he likes it.

It also seems as though Mr. P thinks I'm the weirdest girl he has ever met in his life. A few weeks ago, when I was reading Freakonomics, he glanced at me and said, "You must be the most eclectic reader I have ever met." Yesterday, when I first brought in The Portable Atheist, he read the back of the book and then said that I was "something else." In a good way.

I think I like being eclectic and "something else." 

But I also want to be normal sometimes. Just sometimes, I want people from school to ask me to do something with them.

Enough of that, though.

I am currently about fifty pages into The Portable Atheist and, believe it or not, I am actually enjoying it. Admittedly, I don't agree with much of what they're saying, but it's fascinating, seeing how atheistic thought has changed, from Lucretius all the way up to Christopher Hitchens. I wish that there was a book of Christian thought throughout the ages, from the time of the Apostles up until now.

That would certainly be interesting.

Also, since I seem to have time to actually do things today, instead of writing an essay, I'm thinking three book reviews will be coming soon. Four more to go until I reach my goal of sixty-five books! Woot!

Oh, and please read this if you're a writer. That's why I like Elizabeth Bear!

*sigh*

You know that materialism essay? The one I enjoyed writing? The one I thought I was going to do so well on?

Well.

It turns out I did pretty badly on it, as did the entire class. The highest grade was an 86, and I got an 84, along with quite a few other people, namely one of my guy friends, who I thought had a much weaker essay than I did. But apparently not. Both of our essays were weak, but for very different reasons.

My friend's essay was weak because it was poorly organized, rather vague, and had quite a few grammatical issues in it. And while my introduction was strong, I "fell down," as Mr. P put it, on backing up my claims. It was vague, too generalized, and did not have enough concrete support. My "diction" was great, my introduction made him excited to read it, but... I pretty much bombed, considering how well I thought I was going to do on the essay.

So I was quite upset. I thought for sure that I had done well on it, and to see all those red marks on a paper I was proud of just a few minutes ago was something that I wasn't quite ready to see. However, I soon realized that hey, it's constructive criticism, he has good points, and I'm determined to make my essay better than it was.

And if that means that I have to scrap everything but my introduction and start all over?

So be it.

(Which, you know, I've already pretty much decided I'm going to do that. I am going to get a good grade on this essay. Above a 95. I'm determined. Speaking of which, do any of you have any articles/statistics/etc. that would back up a claim saying materialism is bad for modern culture? Thanks a billion times if you do. It would help so much.)

--

I know I said that I was probably going to finish Dust today, but I started reading All the Windwracked Stars, and wow, is that book amazing. I believe it's matociquala's (sweet, I spelled her name right on the first try!) most recent book, and I adore it. Muire and Kasimir? Pure love. :)

So, needless to say, that'll probably be the next book I'll finish. And then I'll have to tell my friend (look above) that I'm done with it, because he wants to read it as well.

It's also kind of fun to have an author this good on your F-list, even though it's not mutual. Just reading her posts and seeing how utterly normal she is just... warms my heart, really. And her posts are always great to read. So are her books!

Huh, interesting fact I found out on the news today:

Apparently there are many people in Maine that are saying they're going to push for a constitutional amendment legalizing gay marriage.  They want Maine to be the fourth (I'm counting California) state to actually legalize it. Of course, most every state agrees with this sentiment, but I just found it interesting to catch that fact, seeing as I live in Maine and all.

In other news:

Ugh. I reached 35K (not yesterday, but a while ago), and am pushing for 36K tonight. I was originally looking for 40K, but that's not about to happen.

Oh well.

I hope to get at least that amount by tomorrow, though, and finish by Thursday or Friday. Hopefully Thursday, because I'll be gone on Friday. I'm going to an overnight at one of the biggest youth groups in Maine, with Seventh Day Slumber (a really, really amazing Christian rock band) as a performer there. It's going to be so much fun. I just thank God for providing the thirty dollars necessary to pay for me to go.

All right, I think it's time for me to get that last 500 words out of the way. Sorry for all the pointless posts lately; I'll definitely write more posts of substance after NaNo is over.

I REACHED 30K!

I seriously didn't think I would reach it today, but I did. This is partly due to my ingenious strategy of figuring out how many pages makes up approximately a thousand words (in OO, it's between two and three pages, by the way), and then not letting myself stop writing until I've filled that amount of pages. Or, you know, until I finish one page.

This is helpful because, instead of waiting to take a break after a thousand words, I wait to take a break until after a page is done. Then, while I'm taking my break, I can calculate about how many pages I need to fill before I have written a thousand words.

Rinse, repeat.

This strategy is working quite well. I hope to use it tomorrow and who knows? I wrote four thousand words in about four hours (would have taken me less than that, probably, had I not gotten sidetracked by Dancing With the Stars), so I might be able to double that tomorrow.

I hope so.

--

In other news:

This morning in English class, we were discussing Elie Wiesel's Night and somehow it turned into some sort of whole theological debate, about whether God can be paralleled to Hitler or not, whether Moishe the Beadle's words to Eliezer were saying "You are God" or something else, and all of that incredibly dense stuff that people spend lifetimes studying.

I found it interesting, but after the Hitler comment, I spoke up, and I think I made a lot of sense. Of course, I could be wrong, but I just had to say something. There are so many differences between Hitler and God, definitely, and I could write a whole post on that sometime. Oh, and a whole post on a parallel I saw, about how Voldemort pretty much parallels Hitler in ways. I might write that.

Hmm.

*goes off to think*

*yawn*

Today was a good day. Before I talk about NaNoWriMo, though, let me just say happy birthday to greatalexanders! Hopefully it was everything you wanted it to be.

And now.

Day Two:

My total word count is 10,179. I could go further—there are only, at most, a thousand words left in this chapter, and only if I ramble on a bit—but I don't think I can squeeze out more words. Besides, my foot hurts and I have to go to bed in about half an hour.

As for my thoughts on NaNo... I'm fairly happy with what I've gotten so far. My characters are obeying me so far and my plot is coming along nicely. A lot of editing will be necessary at the end of this ordeal. I'd prefer not to think of that, though. *grin*

I would write more, but I'm tired.

So off to bed I go.

The next post will be longer.